


Grimes Is God

by lukimaa



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF, idk - Fandom, tubbo - Fandom
Genre: AM - Freeform, Anorexia, Anyways, Depression, Gen, HES, I, I have an essay due, I'm Bad At Tagging, Mentioned TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Therapy, Tubbo - Freeform, as, but - Freeform, finna cry rq lol, forgive me for this I know I’m weird, fucked, i need to sleep, idkidk, im sorry, so close to throwing up, soon, this is a draft, tubbobuthesme, up - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:28:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28054635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lukimaa/pseuds/lukimaa
Summary: Idk what this is I’m literally just projecting omg
Comments: 1
Kudos: 34





	Grimes Is God

**Author's Note:**

> Read tags

Tubbo felt sick. He WAS sick.Pressing his fingers against his stomach he groaned rolling out of bed “Alexa what time is it in America” 4 pm. Unfortunately based on his analytics most of his followers were American which fucked up his streaming schedule. He’d have to wait till night when they finished their homework or get on their devices. Speaking of, Tubbo stared at his phone having yet to swipe open Tommy’s lingering message

“Ay big T Have you got the chem hw finished”

Tubbo swallowed, he hadn’t. He hadn’t done shit. 40 school emails that he shifted through last night. His parents still liked to blame his.. quote on quote “job” of his. And his depression of course. The diagnosed one. Fuck it seemed all he did was sleep and starve. It was almost worth it if hunger didn’t exist. Tubbo punched in his password and opened Spotify chewing his fingers nervously.

~playing stretch you out: summer walker~

Stepping through his room he walked into his bathroom getting ready to shower. Shit like this made him feel so invalid. He doubted he had actually depression. He felt like he didn’t. But he knew. He felt like an imposter. How could he easily just step into the shower and get ready but others don’t even have the willpower to stand.

He had a meeting with his therapist tomorrow. Every Wednesday at 9am he’d sit down and complain about his fairly easy life to Penelope, Tubbo doubts that was her real name. She never told him her last name.. to connect or whatever. Maybe she thought he was a psychopath and was gonna eat her whole family. Like Hannibal or something.

Tubbo shook his head under the water chuckling squirting 10&1 in his palm scrubbing his scalp clean.

Stepping out he dried his body staring in the mirror admiring his angles. He was proud of how far he’d taken it. Tubbo didn’t ACTUALLY have an eating disorder, he just..wanted to try it out.. get skinny purge a little. He made a Twitter account, started following people. Did whatever. Tubbo could reverse what he did whenever he wanted to. Pick up a sandwich start chewing. He just didn’t want to. He liked watching his collarbones stick out. Wear amazingly skinny clothing. Feel beautiful.

Sighing he picked up his phone pausing summer walker and placing his phone down taking an angled photo with his towel wrapped about his waist.

Cropped it a little bit then posted

TW BODY CHECK

—  
—  
—

in came an influx of comments, he was a rather large account, 3 k followers. Ofc he knew some of his *other* twitch fans were disordered but he made sure that none of them would follow him. Or even tell it’s him. He hadn’t shown his hair or face in any of his photos and wasn’t going to anytime soon. He felt an unhealthy burst of pride though, seeing his pics on Pinterest even though he knew it was dangerous. 

“skinnyyy”

“BRUH YOUR WAIST GIMME”

”HOW”

”hey lol haha”

tubbo sighed happily liking and replying.

His alternate name was Cain,18, British, he/him, whatever the whole bit. They liked men on edtwt. Ate it up like..oatmeal or green tea.

“TUBBOO” his mother yelled “COME DOWN FOR BREEKY HON” ah yes breakfast. At 9 pm...

“IM FINE MUM..” tubbo paused “COULD YOU BRING UP A CUP OF COFFEE”

He dried out his hair with a bleached out brown towel, then pulling on green long sleeve and his white xtra large tee shirt over then slipping his grey sweats on. Sighing he sat down breathing heavily then stepped on his scale.. “one..one..zero” pausing tubbo breathed “so that’s sixteen...sixteen?” Fuck. He grabbed his phone punching in his numbers. “sixteen point seventy three”

”TOBY YOUR COFFEE IS ON YOUR DESK!” Tubbo smiled softly hearing his mother stepping down the stairs “THANKS MUM!” he smiled widely leaving the bathroom taking in the hot coffee smell, he looked down the cup..black. He smiled again. Then saw the two little anti depressants laying next to it. He frowned palming them and tossing them into the trash. Slipping into bed he opened his laptop. He didn’t want to stream today. Just chill with quackity and Karl maybe, distract himself. Though tubbo would definitely never say it, his fan base freaked him the fuck out. Thousands, millions of people just invested in his life. It scared him sometimes. How they felt entitled to know everything about him. It scared him. 

******** the next day **********

Penelope sighed “Toby you’re going to have to tell me something..” 

“What would happen if I told you anything?”

She nodded “Hm?”

”you’d tell my parents.. what would happen then?” Tubbo asked genuine.

“Hm..” Penelope said,

Tubbo sighed ”god Penelope you and your fucking hmm’s can’t we just get this over with?”

”you’re angry.. why? Are you scared, of something?”

”fuck no.”

“Well hows your gamer life going?” She laughed.

Tubbo hated her laugh. She sounded like a those locusts at Tommy’s grandparents home.

“My gamer life is going fine.” Tubbo replied stoically.

“oh come on don’t be cold” she laughed again tubbo winced “we have to connect if you want to get any better”

“ ‘getting better’ that would require me needing help. Or being sick. I’m not sick.”

“We both know that’s very untrue...” she paused taking a sip of her water “have you been taking your meds?”

”yes.” Tubbo said shortly, lying.

Those little green and blue pills, supposed to fill him with serotonin. They just made him bloat, and feel anxious all the time. Tommy had to call him and talk him through a panic attack because he was to anxious to do a rp. No, he didn’t need those pills. All they did was bring him discomfort. 

Penelope scribbled something down quickly “good, and do you think they make you feel better?”

Tubbo contemplated the question, if he were to lie and say yes then they would think he’s getting better. If he were to tell the truth then they’d just prescribe him more shit. 

“..yes, I think I dunno..”

Penelope nodded “I’m glad you’re feeling somewhat better..”

”yes, somewhat.. Penelope, I’d much rather call you by your last name, what is it?”

Penelope took another sip of her water then smiled “Griffens, your parents should’ve told you by now, we have been together for almost a month now”

”well they didn’t, obviously.”

Penelope smiled “obviously..”

they spent the next hour chatting aimlessly before Tubbo could take the bus and leave. 

He didn’t like it when his parents picked him up. He could explore the city more when he walked home, he only lived like 3 miles away anyways. 

He grabbed a free cup of cold water at a local Dunkin’s. No matter how rich he got was rather stingy with his money. Slipping his earbuds in he smiled. He wanted something boppy to match the weather. Smiling he started up his 

“Grimes Is Jesus” playlist and walked home in perpetual peace. 

**Author's Note:**

> Again this is a draft that I don’t really care about just don’t want to get deleted either that’s why I’m posting, hopefully someone can get sum serotonin from my trauma idk 😛


End file.
